Hell No! You Can't "Come See Me!"

    What is up with men wanting to "see you," meaning, "I want to come over?"  Whatever happened to, "Can I take you out?"  I mean really?  Why should I let you come over to my house?  Here's the deal, I can see if we were dating or if you were my man or something but if you: 1.  Have never taken me out several times and 2. Not my man, there is no reason for you to come "see me".
     Men kill me now a days, wanting to "see me"  No, your ass can not come over here and wear out my damn couch, relax under my central air, watch the cable that I pay for and eat my food and drink my drink.  HELL NO!! Then, most men don't even have the decency to ask, "Can I bring you something," if you do allow them to come over.  Where they do that at?
     They say, "You live and you learn" and one thing that I have learned is that I CAN NOT DO BULLSHIT! Call it what you want, but I will be damned if a man who claims to be interested in me thinks he can just sit up at my house and not contribute to anything.  It costs to sit up over here, Partner.  Trust me on that one!
     Since I am on the topic of shit that pisses me off about men, don't call me and the first thing out of your mouth is, "What's up?"  "The rent and these bills, Fool.  That's what's up.  How much you got on it?" Let's see how long the conversation lasts after that.
     I know those of you who don't know me are probably thinking that I am crazy or have lost my damn mind; while my friends know that this is me being me.  I am sure that I will receive plenty of calls from male friends who will read this post and want to talk shit.  Let me stop those of you BEFORE you make that phone call, take me out of character and have your feeling hurt...It's like this. Even if you are not my man, but trying to become my man, you need to step up to the plate.  I have someone to take care of, I will not take care of you.  Meaning, if you have not contributed to groceries or bought any; no I can not cook for you, give you a drink, a snack or anything else.  PERIOD!  I am doing this over here by myself.  I will not be sharing with you, if you have not "shared" with me.  You have to come to table, ready to play and I don't play with kids.
     So, if this post offended anyone...you already know what I am going to say about that...  As my mother would say, "I'm just stacking it straight!" 
    

Mercy, Mercy Me! (Help! The Preacher is Trying To Holla)

     I have a friend who is a preacher.  We used to date about 15 years ago when he was just a PK (Preacher's Kid). Today, he is divorced and has taken over his father's church.  We talk every now and then and his conversation is usually about getting married and having babies.  Ummm...PUMP YOUR BREAKS, PREACHER MAN! Now don't get me wrong, he is a very nice man, educated, handsome, has a good job, all that good stuff BUT he is a PREACHER!

     I know some of you, who follow my blog, have read about my "list" of the things I want in a mate.  Yes, he meets most of them BUT he is a preacher! There is nothing wrong with being a preacher, but how do you "date" a preacher?  It's bad enough that he makes comments about sex, etc and I always respond, "You will NOT lead me to hell," when in reality I am more worried about me being a temptress and leading him to hell.  (Don't judge me!  I'm being honest here!)
     By now, you all know that I am not a Saint and I try to do the right thing, however, the question still remains, "How does one DATE a preacher?"  Do you allow him to kiss you good night and if you do, does he kiss you on the lips or the forehead?  I know that he is still a man, although he is a preacher but there are some things that you just can't say or do with a man of God.  For instance, sex, you can't do that with a preacher!!  I know some of you are laughing, while others may be shaking your heads, but I am serious!  You don't buy a car without test driving it first, right?  I have to know exactly what I am getting myself into.  Let's just say that we dated for a long period of time, got engaged and married without ever having sex and then the sex was wack?  Is that grounds for divorce?  To me it is! I don't want to go through the rest of my life having wack sex! I know some of you will argue that sex isn't everything.  Those people are probably the same ones that have never had good sex or have decided to settle for wack sex in exchange for other things in a marriage. I'm sorry but I don't think, excuse me...I KNOW that I could not do that!  Plus, could you see me as the church's First Lady?  We would end up without any members because of my mouth!  Sounds awful but I am being completely honest!!
     I recently heard from a friend who basically said, "You are single by choice because it's definitely not from lack of choices."  This is true and I know that I am very picky but I think that my fear of dating a preacher is that I am not completely "right" with the Lord and I don't want my bad habits to rub off on him.  I don't want to tempt or corrupt a man of god, therefore, I have chosen to ignore the preacher's flirting and decided that we should just remain friends.  That way, my conscience is clear and I don't go to hell for being the snake that tempts the preacher to just take a bite of my apple.
    
     
    

The Older Man, His Health Issues & Transitional Housing

     45 is not that old.  Hell, I'm 38 and in pretty good health, so I "thought" why not give this 45 year old man a chance.  He's tall, handsome and all that good stuff, so when he contacted me on the dating website, I thought, "Why not?"  Let the bullshit begin...
     Our initial conversation was cool, nothing to write home about.  Now, the second one, (rolls my eyes), now that one, reveled a couple of things.  First of all, most of the conversation was monopolized with him talking about his health issues.  How he used to have a slipped disc and ALL the treatments that he had to correct it, including the settlement that he received from it.  And oh, before I forget this, he needed that settlement to pay back child support!!!
     Then, he proceeded to tell me about his high blood pressure, his knee that has been bothering him, etc. etc.  FOR REAL!!!  Are you seriously gonna run down your medical history and have this whole conversation by yourself?  Yes, BY HIMSELF, because what can I really interject here besides, "Oh Really and UM MM HM MM."
     Continuing the conversation, I asked where he lived and do you know what that fool told me?  "TRANSITIONAL HOUSING."  WHAT THE FUCK??   "EXCUSE ME?  WHAT DID YOU SAY?"  He repeated what he said and my thoughts were immediately running to, "EX CON."  Isn't that where they send people when they get out of jail or something? 
     I could not get off the phone fast enough.  I had to quickly say, "You know what?  I don't think this is going to work."  Of course, he asked, "Why?"  "Let me run it down to you," I said.  "First of all, you have too much going on, health wise and all hell...just too much going on.  You are 45 and breaking down.  Your knees, your back, your high blood pressure. What the hell am I going to do with all THAT!  Our whole conversation was about YOU and tell me where you live again?"  "Transitional housing," he murmured. "My point exactly!  Deuces!" 
     I guess that invisible sign on my head, that can only be seen by idiots and losers can even be seen on a picture through the computer.  I have had countless facials, used different facial cleansers and exfoliates and I STILL have been unable to get that invisible sign off my head. Oh well, another one bites the dust and my journey continues....
    

The REAL Reason(s) Why I Am Single

     Let's get right down to the nitty gritty and address the question that I am always asked by men.  "Why are you single?"  "As beautiful as you are, I can't believe that you don't have a man."  "You would make a good wife, how come you aren't married?"  To this I usually respond, "Because I haven't found the right one yet," but honestly, that's the short answer.  I have to give the short answer because frankly, the long answer would take too much time for such a simple question and I don't want to scare off the men who are asking this question with the REAL answer.
    Generally after asking your name, the next question is, "Are you single?"  At that time, I respond yes, and I have always generally responded, yes (see my previous post for an explanation of this.) and then as always, the next question is, "Why?"  Since you are reading this blog, I assume that you have a little time on your hands, so relax while I break it down for you. 
     The reasons why I'm single is because of several things.  The first reason is because I haven't found the "right one" and let my sisters tell it, I won't find anyone like Jesus.  They think that I am looking for the "perfect" man and in some ways this may be true.  I mean, Jesus is the bomb. Think about it. He is honest, giving, trustworthy, loves people, loves God, empathetic, courageous, a good listener, a provider and the list goes on and on.  Who wouldn't want a man like that?  Seriously, I am not looking for a "perfect man" but he does have some criteria to meet but I will save my list to the end.
     The second reason that I am single is because I like my independence.  I am comfortable with being by myself.  Truth be told, I like it.  I have never been the type of woman that likes to sit up under a guy.  I want him to go hang out with his friends.  Do your own thing.  Let me miss you.  Yes, there are times that I like to be "cupcaked up," but there are many more times that I want to be in one room and you in another.  No, I don't have to watch the game with you.  No, I don't want to be around you 24/7.  I need my space.  Now, maybe I feel this way because I am not in love with anyone or I haven't met anyone that I WANT to be around like that but I am almost positive that when I do, I will still need my own space.
     The third reason that I am single is because I have a low tolerance for bullshit.  I don't have time for games and drama.  I have been there and done that.  I don't believe in the whole, "3 strikes," give a fool a chance to keep fucking up.   Look, you only get one time!  My philosophy is that at 38 years old, I don't have time to waste.  If I let you fuck up 3 times, that is time that I wasted.  Why would I do that?  Life is too short and my tolerance is even shorter.  Patience is one thing that I don't have and I don't have time to wait for a man that doesn't have his shit together. Point blank. Period!! Enough said on reason 3.
     The fourth reason that I am single is plainly put, Guys from LA are, for the most part, full of shit.  LA is a big place. Now, ladies, I am sure that men from places other than LA are full of shit, as well, however, my point of reference is LA.  There are many men (not all) that think they can have a women in LA, another in Cerritos and another in Northridge and they will never find out about each other.  WRONG!  LA may be big and all, but men are stupid.  They don't know how to cheat, thus they get caught....OFTEN!!!  Take it from a "reformed" Playa. I know!! They can't remember their lies, they don't remember to turn the ringer off at night, etc. etc.  Now, I am not the type of woman that goes looking for stuff.  I don't check phones and don't answer them either.  It's not that serious.  Whatever is done in the dark will come out in the light, so if you are doing something wrong, I WILL find out eventually. 
     The fifth reason that I am single is...I AM TOO DAMN PICKY!! I am not sure if that is necessarily a bad thing or not.  I know what I like and there are some things that I won't compromise on.  This is where my "list" comes into play. All the things that I said Jesus was earlier are on my list, plus the following:  Must be at least 6'1 but preferably 6'5 or 6'6, employed, a gentleman, be able to hold a decent conversation, be versed in current events, have a good relationship with his mother, have a sense of humor, love kids, be good with money, know how to conduct himself in any social setting, be supportive, have his own opinion, have his own place without any roommates, like to travel, confident, ambitious, loyal, affectionate, and fashionable.
     I don't think that is too much to ask for.  I think that my list is very realistic, however, trying to find a man with everything on my list has proven to be extremely hard.  Therefore, I have stopped trying to find him myself and let God send him to me.  Hopefully, God and I see eye to eye on my list and he will be everything that I asked for and more.  Until then, I will continue to work on me and the issues that I have, so that when God sends him, I will be able to receive him.  Until then, I guess I will continue to be The Sexy Single Mommy in all of my glory!!!