Do Expectations Cause Disappointment?

When I think about past relationships I often think about what went wrong.  Besides the fact that I get bored very quickly and once I feel like the person is no longer holding my interest, I'm out.  I know that it doesn't sound good but it's the truth.
My sister told me that you shouldn't have expectations in a relationship because when that person doesn't meet your expectations, you are disappointed. As I think about this, I have to wonder if this is true. Are we disappointed when someone doesn't meet our expectations and do we put such high expectations on people that they can not possibly meet all of them?  Give me your thoughts?

Why The "Sexy" In The Sexy Single Mommy?

     I am often asked, "Why did you have to put "sexy" as part of the title of your blog?" "Why couldn't you just be the single mommy?"  My answer to this question is that although I am a single mom, I am also sexy.  It is who I am and why deny it?
     When you hear the word sexy, most people think of the definition meaning, "sexually attractive or exciting and/or sexually aroused."  Maybe that's why I am asked why I included it in the title of my blog.  For me, sexy is all a state of mind.  It is how you carry yourself every day.  Being sexy is about being confident in who you are and the skin that you are in.  There is no room for self doubt when being sexy. 
     When you are a mom, you deal with so many things that sometimes we "lose ourselves" in the mix.  We become so involved in the lives of our families that we adopt the "mommy jeans"  and ponytails as part of our daily look.  As moms we have to remember to keep it "sexy" at all times.  We have to take the extra time in the morning to throw on a little mascara, lip gloss and run a comb through our hair.
     When you are single, I think that you have to put forth a little more effort than that of our married counterparts.  Who cares what they look like, they have someone to go home to?  We, on the other hand are looking for someone to eventually wife us and go home to.  I mean, let's be honest here, although I am single, I would like to be in a relationship and someone's wife one day.  Thus, us single ladies have to go through some thangs to make sure that we are presentable all the time.  My grandmother told me a long time ago, "a woman should always make sure that she looks presentable because you never know who you may meet." I have always taken this to heart.  I think that it is ridiculous for women to go to the store in their pajamas and slippers or with rollers and a scarf on their head.  That's not cute!  What if you run into a handsome man looking like that?  No Bueno! Ladies, we have to step it up!
     Now being sexy does not mean dressy like a slut.  You can be sexy with looking like you are on your way to or from the strip club.  You can be well dressed, covered up and still be sexy.  You can be sexy in a tank top and maxi skirt, remember its all about your attitude and confidence.  Putting a smile on your face is sexy.  Your conversation can be sexy, without even talking about sex.
     What it all boils down to is this, I am more than the title, "The Sexy Single Mommy."  There are layers upon layers that make up who I am.  Being sexy and single is just part of that.  Having a smile that can light up a room is another part.  I believe that I am the bomb.com all day, baby and there isn't a woman alive that is better than me.  Hell, if you don't believe in you, who will?  Being sexy is about having that type of confidence and I have to say, I gotta a WHOLE lot of that!!

You're a Mom. You Don't Have a Social Life Anymore. Sit Your Ass Down!

     When I decided to become a mom, I knew that some things needed to change.  Two of those things were running the streets and partying all the time.  I didn't want to be the type of mother who could always be found in a club or a party, while my child was at home with a sitter or relative.  Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with going out every now and then, but when you are a mom and in the club 3 to 5 times a week and your "social life" is more important to you than being an "active" parent to your child, that's a problem.

     Some moms would like to debate the fact that their children are in bed, asleep when they leave the house.  My response is, "So, your point is?"  Just because you go out after your kids are asleep, doesn't mean that you should be partying all the time.  I believe that once you decide to have a child, some things need to come to an end.  Due to the fact that you are responsible for the well being of someone else, you need to be at home.
     I know that when you are a single mom, you can get very lonely and want to talk to and be around other adults.  Trust me, I get that but at the same time, if you wanted to run the streets all the time, leaving the responsibility of watching your child to someone else, or leaving your child responsible for taking care of themselves, then you should not have had children.  If something were to happen to your child while you were out partying, what would you do?  Would it be worth your child getting hurt while you ran the streets several nights a week?

     There are other single moms who feel like they "deserve to do them" and spend time with their "boo."  Again, I get that but there are some things that you sacrifice when you become a mother.  "Doing you" is one of them.  It's no longer all about you.  You chose to have a child, so you need to be more worried about "doing them" than "doing you!"
     As far as spending time with your boo, any man worth his salt that really wanted to be with you, will accept your child as well.  It's a package deal.  He can't get you without accepting them.  If you really have to explain this to a man, then you need to kick him to the curb...PRONTO!  If a man always wants to spend his time with you and never wants to incorporate your child into the ratio, then he is a man looking for one thing and it's not long term.

     The question then becomes, "how are you really parenting your child?"  Do you know what they are doing when you aren't around, especially those who are old enough or who you "think" are old enough to take care of themselves?  Are they spending all their time on the internet, instead of doing their homework?  Are you being an "active" parent, meaning that you are part of their every day to day life, especially when it comes to school and grades?  When was the last time that you went over their homework with them to ensure that it was done correctly or are you "taking their word for it" that they are doing what they are supposed to do?  If your child has a cell phone, have you reviewed the texts that they are sending and receiving? Do you know who their friends are and what type of families their friends come from?  These are just some of the things that "active" parents do.  Based on what I have seen, mothers who are too busy having a "social life" and not being "active" in the lives of their children, do not know or do not do any of the things that I just referred to.
      Ladies, if it is you that I am speaking of, you need to take a moment and check yourself.  Go ahead and reel yourself back in.  Get it together before it's too late.  You only get one chance at this job called motherhood.  There are no do over's.  The examples that you show your children today are the one's that they follow tomorrow.  The clubs and partying will still be there later.  You just may be too damn old to do that by then but would you rather say, "I raised a productive child" or "I partied well into my 50's?"  You make the decision.

Finances & Marriage. Who is Responsible For What?

     The following is in response to a question about my thoughts about finances in a marriage.   Before I start let me state for the record that I have never been married and my thoughts here may very well be my delusional dream about what a marriage should look like in regards to finances.

     I believe that the man should be the head of the household, thus he should take care of his family.  However, given the society that we live in today where most women make more than their husbands, to think that a man can pay for everything is unrealistic.  Unless your man is making a substantial amount of money, you need two incomes to make it nowadays.  I know that I can NOT be in a marriage where we are struggling.  Even though a women would love to be "sat down" and not have to work, if my husband didn't make enough money by himself to be able to support the family and uphold a certain lifestyle, then I would have to take my butt to work and I have no problem with that.  I have always stood by the saying, "I can do bad by myself."  Why get into a relationship or marriage where you were doing better alone, than with someone else?  I never understood that.  "For better or for worse," is all good but why do "worse" when you can do 'better" alone? I'm just saying...
     As far as how the bills are divided, I think that the man should be responsible for the house note and car payments.  The woman should be responsible for utilities and groceries.  That is if there isn't a joint account that both parties should be contributing to for household expenses.  Now the problem here may be just how much each party is contributing and I guess that it should be based on each parties income.  50/50 in a household account is very realistic, as it leaves the other 50% to be put into a separate personal account that I believe both parties should have.

     Some women believe that their separate account should be a "secret" but I don't think that it is necessary to have a "secret" account.  Your husband should know that you do and there doesn't need to be an argument about it.  If you work, you should have your own money and not have to depend on your husband to give you money, although he should still give you money when asked.  I think that it is still very important, even in a marriage, for each party to still have some sort of independence. To have to ask your husband for money every time you want a new dress or shoes, is ridiculous.  You should be able to buy whatever you like.
    Who should pay the bills in a marriage?  I think that it should be, whoever is better with money.  I know that it would not be me, thus, I have to find a husband who handles money well because I do not.  Two people in a marriage who are not good with money spells a recipe for disaster.
     Now that I have given you my views on finances in a marriage, tell me what works for you in your marriage?  Do you have separate accounts or one and how did you decide who was responsible for paying for what?
     

All Single Mothers Do Not Need Help!

     I came across a new site called, Stumbleupon, where you "stumble upon" different sites based on your interest.  As I was "stumbling upon" different sites under the topic, "single moms," I came across several sites that said that if you are a single mom you should apply for foods stamps, housing assistance, pregnancy support, etc.  I have to be hones, after reading some of these blogs and articles, I became very offended!  Now I am sure that there are many single mom's out there that need some assistance but why is it that they think that "single moms" are just destitute and uneducated?  Given the state of the economy, there are families with 2 parents who may need assistance, not just single parents.  EVERY single parent is not struggling. There are many single mothers who are educated, have careers and own homes.  We are not women who are looking for a hand out and sitting around waiting for the government to take care of us and our children.  People need to realize that just because a woman may be parenting alone does not mean that she is any less than a woman that is married. For the record...many of us our doing a damn good job by ourselves!!