I Am NOT The Perfect Mom

     Contrary to popular belief, I am NOT the perfect mom.  Far from it, if truth be told.  I do not pretend to do everything right, because I don't.  I didn't get the memo or read the book with the instructions of what a "perfect mom's does."  I march to the beat of my own drum, take things a day at a time, make up things as I go and occasionally mess up. 
     Since I have been off work, I cook dinner more than I have in the last 6 years.  When I was working 50+ hours a week, it would be take out at least 3-4 days and I would cook on my days off.  Although, I have to confess that when I cook,  I don't always make a green vegetable because there aren't very many of them that I like and I don't cook stuff that I don't like.  If I am going to be very honest here, I don't cook a lot of vegetables, period.  Now, I have this picky little boy, who like his mother, either doesn't like or is unwilling to try any new foods.  We are both meat lovers and could probably eat meat and nothing else all the time, but I won't go that far.
     Since I started my quest to lose weight, I have been cooking things differently, not so much fried, etc. and I have been adding more veggies in.  Although my son doesn't like trying new stuff,  I encourage him to at least try it.  If he doesn't like it, then at least he tried.  I don't believe in, like my mother and grandmother, that you have to sit at the table until you eat all your food.  That concept is just asinine to me.  I remember having to sit for hours at my grandmother's table because I would not eat hot water cornbread, on several occasions.  If you know I don't like hot water cornbread, why would you keep giving it to me?  As I sit here and recollect today, it seems as though there was some type of power struggle to prove who was in charge between my grandmother and I.  Her stand was that a child had no say on what they were going to eat because they didn't buy the food.  My stand was that I didn't like hot water cornbread and I was NOT going to eat it, even if I had to sit at that table all day.  Let's just say that I never ate that damn nasty ass cornbread.  YUCK!
    I am not a domestic goddess.  I go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink.  If we are running late, I do not require that my son make his bed.  There are many of days that I don't make my own bed.  I am going to get back into it, right?  I have hired a maid on several occasions because I didn't want to do spring cleaning or cleaning, period, for that matter.  I wish that I can find a maid that would put away the laundry after I wash it. Otherwise, it may sit in the living room for a day or two, or three or four.

     I don't obsess about the little stuff.  It's not that serious to me.  If my son eats pizza for breakfast, so what?  At least he ate.  If my house does not look like Molly Maid just left 7 days a week, AND?  It is, what it is.  If requiring that my son eats veggies with every meal, having an immaculate house and ensuring that the laundry is put away promptly are the requirements for being the perfect mom, then I would receive an epic fail.  But if supporting my son in all that he does, ensuring that he receives the best education, instilling his faith in God, teaching him life skills and showing him how to be self reliant, are signs of a good mom, then I would say that I am doing a pretty damn good job.  Still far from perfect but a pretty damn good, all the same.
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You're a Mom. You Don't Have a Social Life Anymore. Sit Your Ass Down!

     When I decided to become a mom, I knew that some things needed to change.  Two of those things were running the streets and partying all the time.  I didn't want to be the type of mother who could always be found in a club or a party, while my child was at home with a sitter or relative.  Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with going out every now and then, but when you are a mom and in the club 3 to 5 times a week and your "social life" is more important to you than being an "active" parent to your child, that's a problem.

     Some moms would like to debate the fact that their children are in bed, asleep when they leave the house.  My response is, "So, your point is?"  Just because you go out after your kids are asleep, doesn't mean that you should be partying all the time.  I believe that once you decide to have a child, some things need to come to an end.  Due to the fact that you are responsible for the well being of someone else, you need to be at home.
     I know that when you are a single mom, you can get very lonely and want to talk to and be around other adults.  Trust me, I get that but at the same time, if you wanted to run the streets all the time, leaving the responsibility of watching your child to someone else, or leaving your child responsible for taking care of themselves, then you should not have had children.  If something were to happen to your child while you were out partying, what would you do?  Would it be worth your child getting hurt while you ran the streets several nights a week?

     There are other single moms who feel like they "deserve to do them" and spend time with their "boo."  Again, I get that but there are some things that you sacrifice when you become a mother.  "Doing you" is one of them.  It's no longer all about you.  You chose to have a child, so you need to be more worried about "doing them" than "doing you!"
     As far as spending time with your boo, any man worth his salt that really wanted to be with you, will accept your child as well.  It's a package deal.  He can't get you without accepting them.  If you really have to explain this to a man, then you need to kick him to the curb...PRONTO!  If a man always wants to spend his time with you and never wants to incorporate your child into the ratio, then he is a man looking for one thing and it's not long term.

     The question then becomes, "how are you really parenting your child?"  Do you know what they are doing when you aren't around, especially those who are old enough or who you "think" are old enough to take care of themselves?  Are they spending all their time on the internet, instead of doing their homework?  Are you being an "active" parent, meaning that you are part of their every day to day life, especially when it comes to school and grades?  When was the last time that you went over their homework with them to ensure that it was done correctly or are you "taking their word for it" that they are doing what they are supposed to do?  If your child has a cell phone, have you reviewed the texts that they are sending and receiving? Do you know who their friends are and what type of families their friends come from?  These are just some of the things that "active" parents do.  Based on what I have seen, mothers who are too busy having a "social life" and not being "active" in the lives of their children, do not know or do not do any of the things that I just referred to.
      Ladies, if it is you that I am speaking of, you need to take a moment and check yourself.  Go ahead and reel yourself back in.  Get it together before it's too late.  You only get one chance at this job called motherhood.  There are no do over's.  The examples that you show your children today are the one's that they follow tomorrow.  The clubs and partying will still be there later.  You just may be too damn old to do that by then but would you rather say, "I raised a productive child" or "I partied well into my 50's?"  You make the decision.

All Single Mothers Do Not Need Help!

     I came across a new site called, Stumbleupon, where you "stumble upon" different sites based on your interest.  As I was "stumbling upon" different sites under the topic, "single moms," I came across several sites that said that if you are a single mom you should apply for foods stamps, housing assistance, pregnancy support, etc.  I have to be hones, after reading some of these blogs and articles, I became very offended!  Now I am sure that there are many single mom's out there that need some assistance but why is it that they think that "single moms" are just destitute and uneducated?  Given the state of the economy, there are families with 2 parents who may need assistance, not just single parents.  EVERY single parent is not struggling. There are many single mothers who are educated, have careers and own homes.  We are not women who are looking for a hand out and sitting around waiting for the government to take care of us and our children.  People need to realize that just because a woman may be parenting alone does not mean that she is any less than a woman that is married. For the record...many of us our doing a damn good job by ourselves!!

Single Parents: Be Loud When Celebrating Your Child's Accomplishments

     When you are a single parent and your child has an accomplishment, you celebrate just a little louder than other parents.  You are excited about that accomplishment not only because your child, did it but because you, as a single parent, helped get your child to that point by yourself!

     Last year when my son received The State Assembly's Award for Outstanding Academic Achievement, I wanted to do back flips through the auditorium.  First of all, I had no idea that he was even receiving that award and second, it was the highest award that you could receive!  When they called his name, I wanted to act like I was Dominique Dawes at the Olympics and do a triple somersault to the stage, pump my fist in the air and scream, "YES!  That's MY baby!  HE DID THAT!!"  I could not have been more prouder.
     I can not explain how much validation came from my son receiving that award.  All the hours that I worked as a retail store manager, yet coming home and making sure that his homework was done correctly and that he read 30 + minutes a day, plus, the workbooks that we did on the weekends and during vacations to improve his skills, all paid off.  Although TJ had earned that award, I felt like "WE" had earned it.  My son, the product of a single mother, who worked 50+ hours a week, who had to depend on sitters and family members to care for him while I worked nights and weekends, won The State Assembly Award.  It all was worth it, at that very moment.
     As I walked up to the stage to take a picture of my son, the genius, I smiled with pride and with tears in my eyes because I knew that although I was all alone on this road called parenthood, I was doing a good job and we were going to be alright!!

Hell No! You Can't "Come See Me!"

    What is up with men wanting to "see you," meaning, "I want to come over?"  Whatever happened to, "Can I take you out?"  I mean really?  Why should I let you come over to my house?  Here's the deal, I can see if we were dating or if you were my man or something but if you: 1.  Have never taken me out several times and 2. Not my man, there is no reason for you to come "see me".
     Men kill me now a days, wanting to "see me"  No, your ass can not come over here and wear out my damn couch, relax under my central air, watch the cable that I pay for and eat my food and drink my drink.  HELL NO!! Then, most men don't even have the decency to ask, "Can I bring you something," if you do allow them to come over.  Where they do that at?
     They say, "You live and you learn" and one thing that I have learned is that I CAN NOT DO BULLSHIT! Call it what you want, but I will be damned if a man who claims to be interested in me thinks he can just sit up at my house and not contribute to anything.  It costs to sit up over here, Partner.  Trust me on that one!
     Since I am on the topic of shit that pisses me off about men, don't call me and the first thing out of your mouth is, "What's up?"  "The rent and these bills, Fool.  That's what's up.  How much you got on it?" Let's see how long the conversation lasts after that.
     I know those of you who don't know me are probably thinking that I am crazy or have lost my damn mind; while my friends know that this is me being me.  I am sure that I will receive plenty of calls from male friends who will read this post and want to talk shit.  Let me stop those of you BEFORE you make that phone call, take me out of character and have your feeling hurt...It's like this. Even if you are not my man, but trying to become my man, you need to step up to the plate.  I have someone to take care of, I will not take care of you.  Meaning, if you have not contributed to groceries or bought any; no I can not cook for you, give you a drink, a snack or anything else.  PERIOD!  I am doing this over here by myself.  I will not be sharing with you, if you have not "shared" with me.  You have to come to table, ready to play and I don't play with kids.
     So, if this post offended anyone...you already know what I am going to say about that...  As my mother would say, "I'm just stacking it straight!" 
    

Mercy, Mercy Me! (Help! The Preacher is Trying To Holla)

     I have a friend who is a preacher.  We used to date about 15 years ago when he was just a PK (Preacher's Kid). Today, he is divorced and has taken over his father's church.  We talk every now and then and his conversation is usually about getting married and having babies.  Ummm...PUMP YOUR BREAKS, PREACHER MAN! Now don't get me wrong, he is a very nice man, educated, handsome, has a good job, all that good stuff BUT he is a PREACHER!

     I know some of you, who follow my blog, have read about my "list" of the things I want in a mate.  Yes, he meets most of them BUT he is a preacher! There is nothing wrong with being a preacher, but how do you "date" a preacher?  It's bad enough that he makes comments about sex, etc and I always respond, "You will NOT lead me to hell," when in reality I am more worried about me being a temptress and leading him to hell.  (Don't judge me!  I'm being honest here!)
     By now, you all know that I am not a Saint and I try to do the right thing, however, the question still remains, "How does one DATE a preacher?"  Do you allow him to kiss you good night and if you do, does he kiss you on the lips or the forehead?  I know that he is still a man, although he is a preacher but there are some things that you just can't say or do with a man of God.  For instance, sex, you can't do that with a preacher!!  I know some of you are laughing, while others may be shaking your heads, but I am serious!  You don't buy a car without test driving it first, right?  I have to know exactly what I am getting myself into.  Let's just say that we dated for a long period of time, got engaged and married without ever having sex and then the sex was wack?  Is that grounds for divorce?  To me it is! I don't want to go through the rest of my life having wack sex! I know some of you will argue that sex isn't everything.  Those people are probably the same ones that have never had good sex or have decided to settle for wack sex in exchange for other things in a marriage. I'm sorry but I don't think, excuse me...I KNOW that I could not do that!  Plus, could you see me as the church's First Lady?  We would end up without any members because of my mouth!  Sounds awful but I am being completely honest!!
     I recently heard from a friend who basically said, "You are single by choice because it's definitely not from lack of choices."  This is true and I know that I am very picky but I think that my fear of dating a preacher is that I am not completely "right" with the Lord and I don't want my bad habits to rub off on him.  I don't want to tempt or corrupt a man of god, therefore, I have chosen to ignore the preacher's flirting and decided that we should just remain friends.  That way, my conscience is clear and I don't go to hell for being the snake that tempts the preacher to just take a bite of my apple.
    
     
    

Update to "Father's Day Dilemma"

     Today was the big "Father's Day Celebration" at TJ' s school and everything went off without a hitch. His Assistant Principal stepped in and they did a "Lowe's Build & Grow " craft together (see picture below). TJ said things went great and that he had a good time.  The following is an email that his teacher sent me this afternoon.
     "This mornings Father's Day event went great. TJ was very excited to have the Assistant Principal be his helper...there were 5 other students that did not have fathers attend also.  TJ wrote a very thoughtful thank you card instead of a Father's Day card...I was very proud of him"
      The point of me sharing my Father's Day Dilemma is that as Single Moms, we have to ensure that are children never feel less than or excluded.  I am not sure the reasons of the other 5 children in his class that didn't have a male figure with them today.  It may have been a situation similar to mine or perhaps the father's couldn't take off of work.  My main focus was to make sure that TJ felt comfortable and included and if that meant speaking up and asking his teacher for help or an alternative, than so be it.  At the end of the day, it's not about me but about my son.  Even though his dad decided not to be a father, it is my job to make sure that my son never feels abandoned or left out and that' s exactly what I intend to do.