I Am NOT The Perfect Mom

     Contrary to popular belief, I am NOT the perfect mom.  Far from it, if truth be told.  I do not pretend to do everything right, because I don't.  I didn't get the memo or read the book with the instructions of what a "perfect mom's does."  I march to the beat of my own drum, take things a day at a time, make up things as I go and occasionally mess up. 
     Since I have been off work, I cook dinner more than I have in the last 6 years.  When I was working 50+ hours a week, it would be take out at least 3-4 days and I would cook on my days off.  Although, I have to confess that when I cook,  I don't always make a green vegetable because there aren't very many of them that I like and I don't cook stuff that I don't like.  If I am going to be very honest here, I don't cook a lot of vegetables, period.  Now, I have this picky little boy, who like his mother, either doesn't like or is unwilling to try any new foods.  We are both meat lovers and could probably eat meat and nothing else all the time, but I won't go that far.
     Since I started my quest to lose weight, I have been cooking things differently, not so much fried, etc. and I have been adding more veggies in.  Although my son doesn't like trying new stuff,  I encourage him to at least try it.  If he doesn't like it, then at least he tried.  I don't believe in, like my mother and grandmother, that you have to sit at the table until you eat all your food.  That concept is just asinine to me.  I remember having to sit for hours at my grandmother's table because I would not eat hot water cornbread, on several occasions.  If you know I don't like hot water cornbread, why would you keep giving it to me?  As I sit here and recollect today, it seems as though there was some type of power struggle to prove who was in charge between my grandmother and I.  Her stand was that a child had no say on what they were going to eat because they didn't buy the food.  My stand was that I didn't like hot water cornbread and I was NOT going to eat it, even if I had to sit at that table all day.  Let's just say that I never ate that damn nasty ass cornbread.  YUCK!
    I am not a domestic goddess.  I go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink.  If we are running late, I do not require that my son make his bed.  There are many of days that I don't make my own bed.  I am going to get back into it, right?  I have hired a maid on several occasions because I didn't want to do spring cleaning or cleaning, period, for that matter.  I wish that I can find a maid that would put away the laundry after I wash it. Otherwise, it may sit in the living room for a day or two, or three or four.

     I don't obsess about the little stuff.  It's not that serious to me.  If my son eats pizza for breakfast, so what?  At least he ate.  If my house does not look like Molly Maid just left 7 days a week, AND?  It is, what it is.  If requiring that my son eats veggies with every meal, having an immaculate house and ensuring that the laundry is put away promptly are the requirements for being the perfect mom, then I would receive an epic fail.  But if supporting my son in all that he does, ensuring that he receives the best education, instilling his faith in God, teaching him life skills and showing him how to be self reliant, are signs of a good mom, then I would say that I am doing a pretty damn good job.  Still far from perfect but a pretty damn good, all the same.
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School Starts For Them & "Me" Time Starts For Us

    School starts in four days and I am beginning to feel a little giddy. Although my son goes to a year round school and only gets a month off instead of two and a half, I am just as wore out as the moms who have been trying to keep their children busy all summer.  As the mother of one, there is no one else to play with.  I am the playmate.  I have to pretend that I am some sort of Pokemon or one of Sonic's friends. I have my own account on Toontown and Club Penguin, so I can be on my laptop while he is on his so we can interact on the sites.  I have also been summer school teacher, checking workbooks and book reports , lifeguard and chaperon.  I can go on and on, with all the things that I am sure many of you mothers can relate to.

     On August 6th, I will driving up to my son's school with a smile on my face and saying "good morning" to every parent that I see.  I can imagine that all parents will be exchanging knowing glances and big smiles at one another and I am sure that some of them will be fist pumping once we walk away from their children's classes after meeting their teachers.  As we drive away, many of us will release a sigh of release that summer vacation is over and we now have a couple of hours to ourselves before we pick them up.
     This past month, I have missed having lunch with my friends, my weekly massages and being able to shop ALONE!  I have longed for being able to relax after the gym, getting into the jacuzzi without my son splashing water and screaming, "Mom, look what I can do" as he performs varies tricks in the water.  Just to have a quiet house for a couple of hours is a dream come true.  What I am not looking forward to is waking up early but hey, it is give and take, right?

     So, this Sunday as I iron my son's clothes for the week, ensure that he has his backpack ready with new supplies and sitting at the front door and get him to bed by 9, I will be anticipating the hours until I drop him off for his first day in 4th grade and I know that I will join some of the other parents in a little fist pump and a couple of high fives as we celebrate the first day of school for our children and a couple of hours of "me" time for ourselves.
    

Parents of Teens, You Are NOT Their Friend. Step Up & Be Their Parent

     Let me start by saying that I am not the mother of a teenager.  Not yet anyway.  However, I have several friends who are parents to teens and oh baby, I am not sure if I am ready for that part of parenting. I still have 4 years until my son is "officially" a teen so I guess it is time to start prepping both of us for those teenage years.
     I know some of you are probably wondering how can you "prep" for the teenage years?  I would think that you can prep for it just as you would anything else.  I have read some blogs written by mothers of tweens and teens and when I read a blog about how disrespectful the child was, I want to leave a comment saying, "And they lived to tell the story?"  Although I have a very different parenting style than my mother, we are very alike in that we will NOT tolerate disrespect of a child.  How are you going to disrespect me, the person who is feeding, clothing and providing shelter for you?  The person who makes sure that you have all the things that a child could want and need.  OH NO!  NOT UP IN HERE!  You need to "prep" your child be putting some fear of you into their butts!
     Now I know that some of my followers will gasp and cover their mouths when they read what I am about to write and that's okay.  However, you run your house and raise your children the way that you want to but while your are sending your child to the corner in a "time out" for being disrespectful, I will be doing something much different.  You figure it out.  Although if you raise a child to honor their elders and those in authority, you more than likely will not have that problem when they become a teenager.

     When I was growing up, I was scared as hell of my mother.  My mother did not play.  If she said something she meant it and as a teenager, if I got out of line, best believe my mom was knocking you out.  She was like Mike Tyson back in the 80's and early 90's.  You had better learn how to duck and dodge. LOL!!  Some kids have no problem talking crazy to their parents because their parents don't do or say anything, thus, they will continue to do what they can get away with. In my house growing up, you couldn't get away with anything and you were probably crazy to think that you could.  Every kid wants to say something smart to their parents when they feel like their parent is being unfair.  If your child fears you, like we did my mother, you would NEVER fix your mouth to say something crazy, unless you wanted to be picking yourself off the floor or searching for your teeth.
     More parents today need to put fear in their children instead of trying to be their "friend" or worrying about their child not "liking" them.  I wouldn't give a damn if my child never liked me but he will respect me!  That I know for a fact!  I am his mother, NOT his friend.  Friends don't buy your clothes and shoes.  Friends don't pay the mortgage or rent.  Friends don't make sure that you have food to eat, water to wash your butt and electricity to play those video games that they didn't buy!  Friends don't care if you fail or do well.  Your parents do!  Don't get it twisted parents who feel like you need to be a friend to your child.  If God meant for you to be their friend, he wouldn't have made that child to be yours! PERIOD!  You have a responsibility to your children to raise them and give them structure.  That is your job!!

Update to "Father's Day Dilemma"

     Today was the big "Father's Day Celebration" at TJ' s school and everything went off without a hitch. His Assistant Principal stepped in and they did a "Lowe's Build & Grow " craft together (see picture below). TJ said things went great and that he had a good time.  The following is an email that his teacher sent me this afternoon.
     "This mornings Father's Day event went great. TJ was very excited to have the Assistant Principal be his helper...there were 5 other students that did not have fathers attend also.  TJ wrote a very thoughtful thank you card instead of a Father's Day card...I was very proud of him"
      The point of me sharing my Father's Day Dilemma is that as Single Moms, we have to ensure that are children never feel less than or excluded.  I am not sure the reasons of the other 5 children in his class that didn't have a male figure with them today.  It may have been a situation similar to mine or perhaps the father's couldn't take off of work.  My main focus was to make sure that TJ felt comfortable and included and if that meant speaking up and asking his teacher for help or an alternative, than so be it.  At the end of the day, it's not about me but about my son.  Even though his dad decided not to be a father, it is my job to make sure that my son never feels abandoned or left out and that' s exactly what I intend to do.

The "Do Not Act A Fool In This Store" Conversation

     I have always resisted the urge to slap the hell out of and some sense into those mothers who are sweetly trying to coax their child with candy and the likes when their Brat of a Child is on the floor in the middle of a store throwing a tantrum.  "SERIOUSLY LADY?" is what my brain is screaming. "Get some balls and act like the parent," I mumble under my breath as I walk by.
     As I attempt to enjoy some much needed retail therapy, my shopping is interrupted by a child hollering and screaming at the top of their lungs.  I act like I am browsing through a rack of dresses, curious as to how this current episode of "Help My Child is Acting a Damn Fool in Public," in the middle of  Nordstrom is going to end.  Who will win?  I silently put my money on the kid, while locking eyes with another mother also "pretending" to shop and agreeing with one another, "That kid needs their ass whopped," all without saying a word.  If you didn't know already, moms have a secret language that we can speak to one another without even opening our mouths.
     "Susie, please get off the floor.  Come on honey.  Look, here is a piece of candy." The Brat's Mom is pleading and Little Susie ain't having it.  Little Susie just starts screaming louder, kicking her legs and swinging her arms in the air.  "Oh no," I say to myself, as I watched her mother try to pick her up, without grabbing her arms first and got sucker punched in the face by Little Susie.  "DAMN," I hear someone say over my shoulder and look behind me to see a group of teenage girls watching the Baby Mike Tyson vs. Inexperienced Mom knockout that just happened.  'My mom would have beat my ass," one of the girls says to her friend.  "High Five to your mom," I say to myself.  Little Susie's mom was an amateur at this and that child was going to take her for one hell of a ride, if she didn't get things straight REAL QUICK!
     This is where I enter into the scene, not literally but in my mind.  I step in front of the child vs mom fiasco with my microphone and alert shoppers that if they do not take heed; they to, may be the next mother in a store, looking pitiful and embarrassed because they never had the "Do not act a fool in this store" conversation.  You see, this is a conversation that most mothers, especially new mothers or mothers who themselves were, "Bratty Kids," don't know about because their own mothers never had this conversation with them. 
    The conversation goes like this, before you either leave home or exit the car when going to a store or any public place, you look your kid, dead in their eyes with a no nonsense look on your face and you say, "When we walk in here, you are to stay right next to me (if they can walk), you don't touch anything or ask for anything.  You will not run around or act a fool in this store because if you do, I will act a fool with you and trust me when I say, YOU DON'T WANT ME TO ACT A FOOL!  Do you understand me?"  You have to make sure that you check for full understanding.  Even a toddler will know when you are serious.
     Now most children will test you and many of them will try to throw a tantrum at least once in their lives.  Hopefully, when they try it, you will be at home where you can get their little butts straight real quick.  If it happens in public, you must quickly nip it in the bud.  You need to snatch their little butts up and take them to the nearest bathroom real quick to set things straight.
     Every child will not go this route.  The child who doesn't will be the child that fears their parent.  Your child needs to fear you, in that they believe that you are crazy.  When a kid thinks you are crazy, they won't dare to act a fool.  Most African American children fear their parents because many of them DO have crazy mothers.  I know, I did!  By no means, did you want to act up somewhere and have your momma act a fool with you!
     Now back to Nordstrom...in my mind, I have explained having the "Do not act a fool in this store," conversation to a large audience of mothers with kids in strollers, by the hand, etc and had a couple of grandmothers yell out, "PREACH" during my speech.  I thank them all for listening and walk back over to the dresses that I was "pretending" to browse earlier.
     Little Susie, is still yelling and her mother has a complete look of helplines on her face, when an older African American woman walks over to Susie and her mother and says, "Do you mind?" while gesturing towards Little Susie.  The mother says, "If you can get her to behave..." and her words drag off in frustration.  Now I move a little closer and I notice that the woman that I had made eye contact with earlier is easing her way closer, as well.  I guess that we are both nosy as hell and really curious to see how this ends.
     The African American woman kneels down really close to Little Susie, looks her right in the eyes and says through clenched teeth, "Get your butt up right now and act like you have some sense in this store!"  Little Susie looked over at her mother, who gave her a "I don't know what is going on" look and she looked back at the crazy lady and seemed a bit puzzled.  She opened her mouth to start yelling again when the woman said louder this time; but still through clenched teeth, "Get you butt up, RIGHT NOW!"  Little Susie jumped up like her butt was engulfed in flames and ran behind her mother, grabbing her hand.  "Thank you! Thank you so much," Little Susie's mother grabbed the woman's hand and began shaking it like she had just met her favorite celebrity.  "You are welcome but next time, if there is a next time, you need to act just like I did and I bet you won't have that problem again."  Little Susie's mother kept thanking the woman, as she walked away and a cheer rang out from the juniors dept.  As I turned around, every customer in the proximity of Little Susie was paying attention, even the employees.  Little Susie's mother, holding Susie's hand walked out the store with her head down but all the wiser on how to handle a tantrum!
    

The Imaginary Kids That Lived In My House Growing Up!

     I am constantly reminded by my mother about the shit that we (my siblings and I) didn't do as a kid when the family is altogether.  Take for instance, our last family torture trip....excuse me, vacation, Memorial Day weekend to visit my brother in Vegas.  Now, let me start with this disclaimer, I LOVE MY MOTHER but DAMN, she can take me there like no other!
     So the kids are playing around with my brother, who they haven't seen since Christmas and TJ says something, (I don't even remember what he said. I am sure that I wasn't paying attention.) to his uncle and the next thing I heard was, "You guys NEVER would say something like that to your uncle!"  I look up and my brother and sister have looks on their faces, like, "What the hell is she talking about?"  I just shake my head and ignore it because it is usually better for me not to say anything or all hell will break out.  Next thing I know, she is going all in about what we didn't do as kids:  we didn't talk back to adults, we didn't leave our toys all over the place, we didn't question what we ate, we didn't, we didn't, we didn't..."  Now, I am not sure whose house these perfect kids lived in that never did any of those things but it sure as hell wasn't mine!
     Our parents lived in a time that "children were seen and not heard."  My child lives in a time where "he is seen and most definitely HEARD."  TJ makes so much noise that when I am on the phone, people think that there are 10 kids in my house.  That is just the way that he has always been.  Maybe it's an only child thing and they like to make it "sound" like they have a lot of siblings.  I am not sure but the child does make A LOT of noise.
     Now, I said all that to say this, I don't know about my siblings, but I don't want to hear about these imaginary kids that lived in my house growing up, that no one saw but my mother.  I don't want to hear that they ate everything on their plates, no matter what it was because they didn't buy the food and they ate what she bought...ALL THE TIME!  Which reminds me of a time when my little brother didn't want to eat his peas and my mother told him that there were kids starving in Africa.  My brother responded, "Then lets send them to Africa!"  I guess the imaginary "good" kids were on vacation or something that day.
     I don't want to hear about all the things that we didn't do because my mother had put the fear of God in us and would "knock us into the middle of next week" if we didn't do what she said.  Now let me state for the record, that I have been knocked into the middle of next week on several occasions and it was like Alice in Wonderland, trying to find my way back to the week that I had got knocked out of.  I wish those imaginary kids had been around to take my place on those days!!
     Simply put, I don't want to hear it!  My thing is this, my child is MY CHILD!  Let me raise him the way I want to raise him.  He is not disrespectful or an unruly child.  Does he have a sense of humor? Yes! Will he say things sometimes trying to be silly?  Yes, all kids do!  Does that warrant a whole speech about the imaginary kids?  NO!!!  I don't want to EVER hear about those damn perfect imaginary kids again!!!!