Sunday, August 12, 2012

Good Guys VS Bad Guys ...Are You Still Single Because You Are Choosing The Wrong One?

     Single ladies, we may not think about it every day but it is in the back of our heads every time we receive that wedding invitation in the mail or see that someone has changed their status on Facebook to  "engaged."  "When will I find my Mr. Right?"   
     Among the women that I consider "close" friends, only 4 are married, 2 are divorced and the remainder of us have never been married. We are all in our mid 30's and early 40's and when I look at our white counterparts, I have to wonder what is it that we are doing wrong? The stats tell us that there is a shortage of eligible black men but are we pushing away the eligible ones and choosing the unavailable ones?
     Ladies, you know the ones that I am speaking of.  Let me list them for you:
  • married men
  • the men that are in relationships
  • the men with the bomb sex but can't offer anything else
  • the thug
  • emotionally unavailable men
  • the players and lairs
     I have to wonder if many of us are still single because we continue to choose the "wrong" guys and let the "good" ones get away?  Are some of us settling for a "piece" of a man for the sake of saying that we have a man? Are we okay with that?
     When did it become okay to resign ourselves to a life of unhappiness and often time loneliness when dealing one of these unavailable men? For those of you who are dealing with married men, what do you tell yourself on holidays when you don't see him because he is with his family? Are you REALLY cool with that or have you convinced yourself that you knew the job was going to be crazy when you took it and your okay with the situation?  Or have you not realized that the reason that when you don't see him on holidays, don't talk to him late at night and hasn't taken you around his family is because he is married? 
     It's funny how so many of us are willing to accept the bad behavior of unavailable men when the available men are right there but we don't bother to give him any play? Let's explore why the available men are not as appealing to us as the unavailable men are.
The reasons why we reject the available men are:
  • They are boring
  • They are squares
  • They have no backbone
  • They don't have any drama
  • They aren't exciting

     And we wonder why we are alone?  Where did we learn that is unacceptable to be with a man who doesn't have any drama or who is a "square" AKA a good guy.  So many women are used to the drama that comes along with the bad boys that when we get with someone who is drama free, we don't know how to act and begin to create drama for the sake of having some type of drama going on. Thus we scare off the available men and run back into the bed of the bad boy.
     Once we become old enough to realize that if we want to become "wifey" we better start acting fast and that available man begins to look more and more appealing.  We become involved with the available guy not because we are trying to fall in love but because we realize that we are getting older and don't want to be single for the rest of our lives.  The available man is safe and stable.  They are usually good providers and if we played our cards right, they are "in love" with us.  So much so that we convince him that we need a ring, which he presents and we say yes out of convenience, not because we love him.  We are "in love" with what he can provide us with and that is the title of "wife" so many of us seek.  "I can learn to love him," we tell ourselves and maybe one day we can but for now, we will accept his ring and nice, drama free life that he can provide but are we "truly" happy?
     On our honeymoons are we fantasizing about the bad boy that used to beat our backs out and wish that he was the one making love to us?  Sometimes some of us get so caught up in this fantasy world that we believe that we can have our cake and eat it too because our husbands aren't the men that we thought they may one day become and creep off to hook up with the bad guy.
     This may seem like an exaggeration but it happens every day when women who are attracted to the unavailable man and crave the drama that he brings, decides to get with the available man but still lusts after the bad boy.  She only married the good guy for what he could provide for her and hopefully she can learn to love her husband.
     Sometimes some of us need to go through some thangs to realize that the person that we are supposed to be with may be right in front of our faces, even if he is a "square" and drama free.  Even if we have yet to meet our, "Mr. Right," we need to stop overlooking the good guys and start avoiding the ones that don't have our best interest at heart. Many of us, single ladies who are running around crying that we can't find a man are the same ones that are quick to hook up with the Bad Guys. We need to start evaluating our choices and place ourselves in better positions to met men who are available, then maybe our chances of becoming "wifey" may improve. 
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  1. Great analogy because we base marriage on the "world Defintion," and out of ignorance. If you don't know any better, you can't do any better..What I have finally learned, you ask God to sent you a mate compatible to you..If anyone knows what you need HE does..I have selected men that I thought I could fix..Because in my subconscious, I was trying to fix my biological dad...As you have guessed, it has been a disaster..So,young ladies looking or those feeling that they're running out of time..Know this God has your perfect mate..waiting, as soon as you let go and let God..Ps. Make sure you are ready and equipped..because GOD know what He is doing..Amen!

  2. We need to start evaluating our choices and place ourselves in better positions to met men who are available

  3. Our thirty-two year old son is looking for Mrs. Right. I'm going to see to it that he reads your post.

  4. LMAo Thanks for stopping by my blog from the hope! I am so happy to be your newest follow, I think I an going to really enjoy your blog.

  5. Most of the time you have met a good man, you just don't wont him.

  6. I am number 1 offender of this. I know I have met nice good men.. they just aren't as appealing as their counter parts are. I honestly can't say why either.. other then maybe it is correct that they just aren't as fun. Wish I knew the answer so I can correct it.

    1. I am not sure but we are going to work on that for you, Cat!

  7. love this. I can relate to everything I read so far, except I'm NOT still single because I choose the wrong man...I married him. Jeez.