Saturday, June 2, 2012

It's Okay, Girl! Be By Yourself!

     I have never understood women who do not know how to be alone.  You know the type of woman that I am speaking of.  They jump from relationship to relationship without very much time in between,  all because they "don't want to be alone" or "need a man in their lives."  All the time, never getting to know "themselves" and often times make the same mistakes with the same type of men over and over again.
     I especially don't understand this of women who are single mothers.  I often find myself wondering what type of mindset does this woman have that would bring several men around her children?  Does she not understand the type of example that that she is showing to her children, especially her daughters or is their mindset that they deserve to be happy and it doesn't really matter what her children or anyone else thinks?  I can understand a woman's desire to be happy but at whose expense?  Her children's or her own? 
     I personally don't think that it is acceptable to parade men in and out of your house as a woman, PERIOD, single or not.  It just isn't a good look.  As a mother, you are your children's first teacher, their example of what a woman should be.  What a LADY should be. By bringing random men in and out of their lives, you are not only confusing them, showing them a poor example but you could potentially be putting your child at risk for a predator.
     So then, the question arises, "How long should I wait before I bring someone that I am interested in around my children?"  Personally, I think this should take a couple of months.  You should be sure that this person is someone that you are really interested in before introducing them to your children.  Every man that you date, should not meet you children.  Every man that you date, shouldn't even be picking you up from your house (but that's a blog for another day).  I think that single mothers need to use a lot of discretion when dating.  After all, it's not just about you anymore.  You are now responsible for someone else's well being.
      Women who have a man living with them, who do not contribute to the household, who don't work, who don't help with the kids and who run the streets while she goes to work and pays all the bill...GIVE ME A BREAK!  Really?  That concept has always baffled me.  Is the sex that good that it has made you an idiot?  Again, what kind of example are you setting for your sons and daughters?  If that man is helping with the kids, but not contributing to the household...NOT ACCEPTABLE!  A man needs to work, PERIOD! How do you live with a man, with your children and this is the example that you are showing? Spare me!!  You can do bad all by yourself!  That's a fact!
     Now let me take a moment to discuss this issue as it relates to mothers of daughters.  Daughters grow up to be mothers one day and the examples that you show them now are instilled in them.  When you parade different men in front of your daughters, they believe that it is okay to date several men and have several men coming in and out of their home around their children.  You are also teaching them that they need to have a man around, that it is not a good thing to be by yourself.  They are learning that their worth is based on having a man in their lives. Is that the type of example you want to set for your daughters?
     As a mother of a son, I don't want my son to see men coming in and out of my house because I don't want him to believe that this is what women do.  Again, I am the example for my son of what a woman should be.  I also don't bring people that I date around my son unless I am serious about them, or think that it may be serious because I don't want my son to become attached to someone who may not be around long. 
     I strongly believe that you need to learn how to be by yourself before you can be with anyone else.  You need to know YOU!  You need to be able to hold down your household without the help of anyone else, so that you don't depend on a man to do it or feel like you have to stay with someone that you don't want to be with because you can not support yourself or your children alone.  Never put yourself in that situation.  Remember that the examples that you show you children now will last a lifetime and rather your children ever voice it or not, those examples are how they will live their lives as adults.
     Wake up!!  It's okay to be by yourself until you get to know you and find the person that God intended you to be with.  Don't just settle because you don't want to be alone.  Being alone and being an excellent example to your children is much better than showing your children a bad example and having them repeat that cycle as adults.  THINK ABOUT IT!


  1. Wow.. What a great post! I'm a single mom myself to a beautiful two year old and feel exactly the same way about dating so AMEN to everything u said. As a matter of fact I'm quoting one of your lines if u don't mind :).

    Found u on mbc :)

    1. Hi melody,

      Thank you so much! Sure you can quote me. Just through up a link. Look forward to connecting with you!
      Take care!

    2. Another Great Post..If I had known more about the bible and God's will I would have done a lot of things differently..I'm just happy that you are waiting for the right man..just pray and let God select him and bring him into your life...when we select it is often a big mess...!

  2. Thank you so much for that!!!! I hate to see single mothers parade a bunch of guys around their children. I'm always talking about this to friends and tweeting about it. I just wish those mothers would grow up and find the common sense God gave them. There are too many pervs in this day and age for a mother to be so careless!!!

    1. You are welcome and you are so right. Make sure to share my blog on your page and tweeter. Let's get the message out there to these women who need to hear it.

  3. Love it!!! Women have to be careful who they bring around their children and the messages it sends to their kids.