Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Single Motherhood? I GOT THIS!

     "Mom!!  Mom!! Can I go out side? "  "Mom!!  Mom!!  Can we go to the park?"  "Mom!! Mom!!  Can you play the Wii with me?"  "Mom!! Mom!! Can I get a dog?"  "MOM!  MOM! MOM!"  Oh my God!  Can I change my name already?  It is times like these that I wish that TJ's dad was around just so that I can get a break.  Sometimes, as easy as I make it seem and although I "look" like I have it altogether, I don't.  I know some of you, especially my friends are probably going to be surprised by that statement, but damn, I am not as perfect as I seem!
     They say that being a mother is the hardest job in the world but I beg to differ.  Being a SINGLE MOTHER is the hardest job in the world.  Now there is a difference.  There are some single moms who have the support of their children's father and there are some that don't.  I would fall into the the last category. Now, before you start feeling all sad for me and shit...DON'T!! This post is not about that.  Hell, I don't feel sorry for me.  I never have.  There is nothing to feel sorry about.  I have been fortunate enough to be able to financially care for my son myself, even when it involved $700 + a month in childcare expenses alone.  Thank the Lord for Dependent Care Flexible Spending!  I have never had utilities cut off or no food in the fridge.  My son has never went without what he needed,  He has always had more shoes than most girls, a closet full of clothes and everything that a child could want.  (I did speak about overcompensating in another blog).  I have, as a single mother, provided everything that a two parent household would provide for a child on my own. 
     Most women who become single mothers don't set out to be a single mom.  No one goes into motherhood thinking that they will be doing this by themselves.  Wait, let me correct myself.  There are single women who decide to go to sperm banks, etc. and have children.  Those women, of course, know that they are going to be doing it by themselves.  I, on the other hand, always said as a teen, that I was going to go to a sperm bank to have a kid, because I didn't want to have to deal with a guy and that child would be a boy.  Man, they weren't lying when they said that you can speak things into existence and who knew that some 15 or so years later, that is exactly what happened....minus the sperm bank! 
     I think that I have always known that I would be a single mom.  I have always known and accepted it.  When I got pregnant with TJ, I knew that I was going to do this by myself.  I knew from day one how the situation would play out and I was fine with that.  There weren't any hard feelings or nights that I cried myself to sleep.  None of that!  It was what it was and being that I always knew that I would have a son and raise him by myself, that's exactly what I have done. 
     A friend of mine told me when I was pregnant, "You are so strong.  I wouldn't be able to do this by myself."  My response was, "What else can I be but strong?"  I have never been a 'crier" or a "woe is me" type of woman.  I don't really let things trip me up.  I take the punches and roll with them.  Single motherhood was a punch that I had anticipated most of my life, so I braced myself for the punch and made sure that it wasn't a TKO and at the end of the fight, I was still standing and proudly holding my Single Mother Heavyweight Belt high above my head!  And although I am not as perfect as I seem, I think...No, I KNOW, that I have been doing a pretty damn good job raising my son by myself and at the end of the day, that's all that really matters to me!
    

4 comments:

  1. Thats Right Ty! Heres To Doing It with Gladness and strength. We have to be able to roll with the punches. Doing what we do because we are positive and strong. Being the forces we are knowing the great jobs we do as single moms not falling into the pitty trap and being constant roll models for our kids. Knowing that is all that matters.

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  2. I have a friend that has a boy that is 1 1/2 years younger then my son and she has a husband. Her son was sick one night so she didn't get much sleep while her husband worked the late shift with the military. The next day at work she was in tears because she was tired. She looked at me then said, I don't know how you do it being a single mom. I told her it was because I have to, then I shrugged and told her to suck it up. lol.

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    1. Cat,
      LOL! That is true. We do what we have to do. We don't get a break, there isn't anyone else to "take over." It's all on us! Thanks for stopping by!

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