For Paris Jackson & Every Other Kid Who Uses Social Media: What Happens In This House, Stays In This House

     "What happens in this house, stays in this house!"  I know many of you have heard your parents say that as you were growing up.  I am sure that you have also heard the saying, "Family business is family business."  After reading and seeing what is going on in the media between Michael Jackson's kids  I am convinced that they have never heard either of those sayings.
     It is one thing to have an "ordinary" family like all of us (so to speak) but when you have a family that is in the public eye, it is even more important to shut the hell up when it comes to putting your family business out in the streets.  Now a days with social media, it only takes one tweet to start a media uproar and that is exactly what Paris Jackson did when she tweeted, "yes , my grandmother is missing . i haven't spoken with her in a week i want her home now." Then later that same day, she tweeted, "the same doctor that testified on behalf of dr murray saying my father was a drug addict (a lie) is caring for my grandmother... just sayin/"  WTH was she thinking? Did she not understand what the the repercussions would be by just hitting "send" on those two tweets?  Obviously not!
      Allegedly when Janet Jackson went to her mother's house to take away the phones and computers from the kids to prevent them from continuing to tweet,etc. she had a physical altercation with Paris, slapping her and calling her "a spoiled little bitch."  Then Paris, proceeded to return a slap to her aunt and said, "This is our house. Not the Jackson family house. Get the f**k out!" 
     Now, I don't know about how any of you were raised, but that type of disrespect would not have been tolerated in my household as a kid and to this day would not be tolerated.  You are to respect your elders!  Period!  I am not sure what the Jackson children have been taught as it relates to family, respecting your elders and speaking when spoken to but I can tell you what they HAVEN'T been taught and that is to keep family business private and to respect your elders.
     Many parents of my generation have strayed away from the way that were brought up and have for whatever reason decided to do things differently then their parents did.  I get that, however, why change things that are tried and tested?  Somethings I do agree should change though.  Many of us that grew up in African American families had parents that believed in "spare the rod, spoil the child," and had the hell beat out of them for any transgression.  Many of us, have changed this in the upbringing of our own children but that doesn't mean that their shouldn't be consequences for their actions.
      In the case of Paris Jackson, I'm sorry but I would have to revert to the ways of some of our elders and like Gladys Knight said when speaking about the situation between Janet and Paris Jackson, "If (Paris) called me that, she would have no teeth."  To that I have to say, "AMEN!"
     http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/27/star-jones-gladys-knight-paris-jackson-janet-phone_n_1711839.html?utm_hp_ref=entertainment&ir=Entertainment
http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2012/07/27/why-is-janet-jackson-in-middle-jackson-family-drama/
     
    

Thank God For Another Year!

     39 years ago today, I made my debut in this world, raising hell after putting my mother through 9 hours of labor.  My "ball of fire" personality changed the lives of my parents and all those who have been fortunate enough to call me a "friend" through out my 39 years.  To say that there isn't any one like me, would be an understatement. I march to the beat of my own drum. I am independent, outspoken, loyal, and very opinionated, ( as if you didn't know that already from reading my blog).  I am also a terrific mommy (so my son tells me), an outstanding daughter (so my mom tells me), the best sister (so my sissy's tell me) and a great friend (so I tell myself).   
     As I take the time today to reflect on the past 39 years, I have to first Thank God for allowing me to see another year and for keeping me and blessing me.  I also have to say thank you to my parents who gave me life and to my mom for guiding me and teaching me what it is to be a strong woman.  Much thanks is also due to my siblings who have probably taken the brunt of my abuse in the form of my smart mouth.  LOL!  Also thanks to the rest of my family and friends who have loved and supported me for the past 39 years.
     This journey called life has been filled with good and bad times and I have received some bumps and bruises along the way but all in all, I wouldn't change a thing because they have made me who I am today.

Parents of Teens, You Are NOT Their Friend. Step Up & Be Their Parent

     Let me start by saying that I am not the mother of a teenager.  Not yet anyway.  However, I have several friends who are parents to teens and oh baby, I am not sure if I am ready for that part of parenting. I still have 4 years until my son is "officially" a teen so I guess it is time to start prepping both of us for those teenage years.
     I know some of you are probably wondering how can you "prep" for the teenage years?  I would think that you can prep for it just as you would anything else.  I have read some blogs written by mothers of tweens and teens and when I read a blog about how disrespectful the child was, I want to leave a comment saying, "And they lived to tell the story?"  Although I have a very different parenting style than my mother, we are very alike in that we will NOT tolerate disrespect of a child.  How are you going to disrespect me, the person who is feeding, clothing and providing shelter for you?  The person who makes sure that you have all the things that a child could want and need.  OH NO!  NOT UP IN HERE!  You need to "prep" your child be putting some fear of you into their butts!
     Now I know that some of my followers will gasp and cover their mouths when they read what I am about to write and that's okay.  However, you run your house and raise your children the way that you want to but while your are sending your child to the corner in a "time out" for being disrespectful, I will be doing something much different.  You figure it out.  Although if you raise a child to honor their elders and those in authority, you more than likely will not have that problem when they become a teenager.

     When I was growing up, I was scared as hell of my mother.  My mother did not play.  If she said something she meant it and as a teenager, if I got out of line, best believe my mom was knocking you out.  She was like Mike Tyson back in the 80's and early 90's.  You had better learn how to duck and dodge. LOL!!  Some kids have no problem talking crazy to their parents because their parents don't do or say anything, thus, they will continue to do what they can get away with. In my house growing up, you couldn't get away with anything and you were probably crazy to think that you could.  Every kid wants to say something smart to their parents when they feel like their parent is being unfair.  If your child fears you, like we did my mother, you would NEVER fix your mouth to say something crazy, unless you wanted to be picking yourself off the floor or searching for your teeth.
     More parents today need to put fear in their children instead of trying to be their "friend" or worrying about their child not "liking" them.  I wouldn't give a damn if my child never liked me but he will respect me!  That I know for a fact!  I am his mother, NOT his friend.  Friends don't buy your clothes and shoes.  Friends don't pay the mortgage or rent.  Friends don't make sure that you have food to eat, water to wash your butt and electricity to play those video games that they didn't buy!  Friends don't care if you fail or do well.  Your parents do!  Don't get it twisted parents who feel like you need to be a friend to your child.  If God meant for you to be their friend, he wouldn't have made that child to be yours! PERIOD!  You have a responsibility to your children to raise them and give them structure.  That is your job!!

I WON A BLOGGER AWARD!!! (Oops...Nominated! LMAO)

     I always knew it would happen.  I just didn't know how long it would take.  I have been nominated for The Sunshine Blogger Award.  I am very excited that one of my blogger peers loved my blog enough to nominate me.  Thank you Brittney!  Stop by her page and say HEY to her!! http://thejovialmom.blogspot.com/
  
     As part of my nomination I had to answer 10 questions.  Here are the questions and my answers:

1. What do you feel your purpose is in life?
To share my experiences and knowledge with women and to share my gift of writing.

2. What is your favorite book?
True 2 the Game by Teri Woods

3. Who or what inspires you most in life?
I am inspired by my mother and my son.

4. Would your rather donate time or money?
Money

5. What are your best qualities?
I am loyal and a leader.

6. If you were an organ in the body which would you be and why?
It would be the heart because like me, you can not live without it.

7. Why do you blog?
I blog to share my insight and experiences with others.

8. What is your greatest accomplishment?
My son is my greatest accomplishment.

9. Who is your role model/ hero and why?
My mother is my hero because she is the greatest example of what a strong women is. She raised 4 children alone while working as a teacher and at times working a second job as well, to ensure that we went to private school and had everything that we needed.

10. If you could be anything or anyone in the world,what would it be and why?
I would be myself because I am THEBOMB.Com!!  I would also be a best selling author (already) because it is my destiny. Just wait!!

Also, as part of my nomination I have to nominate 10 other bloggers for this award, so here it goes:

http://www.breathoflifedaily.com/

http://thechubbychatterbox.blogspot.com/

http://allofthatgoodstuff.blogspot.com/

 http://fromhatstoheels.blogspot.com/

http://sweetpeasylvie.blogspot.com/

http://pepperrific.com/

http://graceful-disaster.blogspot.com/

http://alexandra-elizabeth.com/

http://fabmom12.blogspot.com/

http://www.blackconvo.com/
 http://inthemixwithmsnix.blogspot.com/

Here are my questions for my nominees to answer:

1. What’s your favorite movie of all time and why?
2.  Would you rather watch a sitcom, a reality show, a police drama, a legal drama , or a medical drama? Or something else? 
3.  What would you do if you had a million dollars?
4.  What was your favorite game to play as a child?
5. Why did you start writing a Blog?
6. What is your favorite The Sexy Single Mommy post?
7.  Would you rather be good looking or rich?
8.  Would you rather have super strength or super intelligence?
9.  What one thing are you most proud of?
10.   What, if anything, would make you leave your career?

Congrats to my nominees and here are the rules to nominate other bloggers:

1. Include award logo in a post or on your blog page. 2. Answer (10) questions about yourself. 3. Nominate 10-12 other fabulous bloggers. 4. Link your nominees to the post and comment on their blog, letting them know about the award. 5. Share the love and link the person who nominated you.

Nothing Like a Cute Maxi Dress

     I have always been a "girly girly."  I LOVE to dress up in dresses and maxi dresses would happen to be my favorite right now.  I love them because you are able to dress them up or down given the occasion. I am 5'10 and the length of maxi dresses are perfect for me. Since I have become a Pinterest addict, I wanted to share some of my favorite dresses and ensembles with you.  Hopefully, I can give a little inspiration to those of you who like to rock a cute maxi dress every now and then.  Let me know what you think of my selections.  If you like these, check me out at Pinterest http://pinterest.com/sexysinglemommy/.  What's your favorite item for the summer in your closet?

http://www.bostonproper.com/

http://www.etsy.com/listing/99636834/

https://www.obaz.com/game/product/3613/3640/

    The following are pictures of entire ensembles for those of you who need a little help pulling it all together.

http://romigr99.polyvore.com/maxi_style_with_cropped_denim/set?.svc=copypaste&embedder=0&id=48142104

http://romigr99.polyvore.com/maxi_style_with_cropped_denim/set?.svc=copypaste&embedder=0&id=48142104

http://www.polyvore.com/summer_lovin/set?.svc=copypaste&embedder=0&id=44241480

http://sarrc.polyvore.com/untitled_460/set?.svc=copypaste&embedder=0&id=49023837

http://www.polyvore.com/orangey_summer_love/set?.svc=copypaste&embedder=0&id=44607869

http://www.polyvore.com/hurry_up_summer/set?.svc=copypaste&embedder=0&id=43629757

This Can't Be Life

     I often think about these things called "life" and "death."  You know, why am I here?  What is my purpose?  Why do we have to die and all that kind of stuff.  When I think about those things, I think about history and my ancestors and all the things that they, as African Americans had to go through.  I wonder if they ever questioned, "Is this really my life?"  I question why one group of people had to endure so much pain and misery at the hands of another race and their only crime was the color of their skin?  It just doesn't seem fair to have to live with the fear of death on a daily basis.  Not of dying from old age or illness but for the color of your skin.  It is an awful thought that at times brings me to tears, but I am also amazed at the strength that my ancestors had to have in order to survive during Slavery, all the way through the Civil Rights Movement and shit, things are not as bad as they were but you still have to have a great deal of strength to be an African American today.
     Can you imagine women who were continuously raped by men who did so because they could and who raped them because they "owned" them.  Imagine these same women who had to give birth to children who were the products of these rapes and see their rapist stare back at them when they looked into the eyes of their child and who more times than not, had to look at their rapist on a daily basis and act like nothing happened.  Imagine being a mother knowing that at anytime your very own children could be sold and you would never in your lifetime see them again.  How heartbreaking is that?
What about the women who watched their husbands, fathers and brothers lynched right in front of them for the sheer reason that a group of people could and did get away with it?  Could you imagine that?  You would have to be strong as hell to have to deal with so much heartache in one lifetime.

     As I think about all that my ancestors had to go through, I am reminded of the Jay Z song that says, "This can't be life.  There's got to be more.  This can't be us."  I wonder if they would have been singling this in the cotton fields as they worked sunup to sundown, receiving no pay, bullshit living arrangements and scraps to eat.  You had to be very strong to endure a life like this and look death in the face on a daily basis.  Yet, through it all, they believed that God would see them through.  They believed when they were raped, beaten, when their families were sold away, when they were hanging from a tree.  They believed and stood on faith.  Could you have done that?  I wonder if they every questioned why God would allow them to have to go through so much?  I wonder if they asked God, "why me?"  I wonder if they, like myself, ever wondered why God would allow such things to happen?
     Now, fast forward some 100 or so years later, when the unimaginable happens, i.e. the Massacre in Colorado, you have to wonder how in the heck was this all in God's plan?  Since God knows us before we are born and knows every aspect of our lives and how it will end, did he know that innocent people would die when going to the movies by a crazy person or does the devil supersede God's plans and things happen that he didn't foresee?  I mean really, why would you plan for someone to die in such horrific ways?  I don't get that.  I especially don't get when people say after someone has died, "that it was God's will."  REALLY?  How fucked up is that? God really planned for innocent children to be gunned down, people dying in fires, lynched, from diseases, etc is all in "the plan?" I don't understand that!  Don't get me wrong, I believe in God but I just hate the concept of having to die one day and I hate even more that some people have to die in such a horrendous fashion.  Hell, if we have to die why can't we all just go peacefully in our sleep? Why do some people have to suffer before death?  Is this all the fault of that bitch, Eve?  She messed up eternal life for all of us.  She single handily screwed us all up for a damn apple?  Then, the people in the time of Abraham had to start acting a damn fool and God reduced everyone's lifespan to 120 years.  I swear, some people really can mess some shit up!  Thus here we are in 2012, dying way to young and some of us are enduring unimaginable suffering all around the world and have been doing so throughout the pages of history.  Left alone with all of these thoughts I begin to hum to myself, "This can't be life. There's gotta be more.  This can't be us!"
     

     
    
 

Do Expectations Cause Disappointment?

When I think about past relationships I often think about what went wrong.  Besides the fact that I get bored very quickly and once I feel like the person is no longer holding my interest, I'm out.  I know that it doesn't sound good but it's the truth.
My sister told me that you shouldn't have expectations in a relationship because when that person doesn't meet your expectations, you are disappointed. As I think about this, I have to wonder if this is true. Are we disappointed when someone doesn't meet our expectations and do we put such high expectations on people that they can not possibly meet all of them?  Give me your thoughts?

Why The "Sexy" In The Sexy Single Mommy?

     I am often asked, "Why did you have to put "sexy" as part of the title of your blog?" "Why couldn't you just be the single mommy?"  My answer to this question is that although I am a single mom, I am also sexy.  It is who I am and why deny it?
     When you hear the word sexy, most people think of the definition meaning, "sexually attractive or exciting and/or sexually aroused."  Maybe that's why I am asked why I included it in the title of my blog.  For me, sexy is all a state of mind.  It is how you carry yourself every day.  Being sexy is about being confident in who you are and the skin that you are in.  There is no room for self doubt when being sexy. 
     When you are a mom, you deal with so many things that sometimes we "lose ourselves" in the mix.  We become so involved in the lives of our families that we adopt the "mommy jeans"  and ponytails as part of our daily look.  As moms we have to remember to keep it "sexy" at all times.  We have to take the extra time in the morning to throw on a little mascara, lip gloss and run a comb through our hair.
     When you are single, I think that you have to put forth a little more effort than that of our married counterparts.  Who cares what they look like, they have someone to go home to?  We, on the other hand are looking for someone to eventually wife us and go home to.  I mean, let's be honest here, although I am single, I would like to be in a relationship and someone's wife one day.  Thus, us single ladies have to go through some thangs to make sure that we are presentable all the time.  My grandmother told me a long time ago, "a woman should always make sure that she looks presentable because you never know who you may meet." I have always taken this to heart.  I think that it is ridiculous for women to go to the store in their pajamas and slippers or with rollers and a scarf on their head.  That's not cute!  What if you run into a handsome man looking like that?  No Bueno! Ladies, we have to step it up!
     Now being sexy does not mean dressy like a slut.  You can be sexy with looking like you are on your way to or from the strip club.  You can be well dressed, covered up and still be sexy.  You can be sexy in a tank top and maxi skirt, remember its all about your attitude and confidence.  Putting a smile on your face is sexy.  Your conversation can be sexy, without even talking about sex.
     What it all boils down to is this, I am more than the title, "The Sexy Single Mommy."  There are layers upon layers that make up who I am.  Being sexy and single is just part of that.  Having a smile that can light up a room is another part.  I believe that I am the bomb.com all day, baby and there isn't a woman alive that is better than me.  Hell, if you don't believe in you, who will?  Being sexy is about having that type of confidence and I have to say, I gotta a WHOLE lot of that!!

You're a Mom. You Don't Have a Social Life Anymore. Sit Your Ass Down!

     When I decided to become a mom, I knew that some things needed to change.  Two of those things were running the streets and partying all the time.  I didn't want to be the type of mother who could always be found in a club or a party, while my child was at home with a sitter or relative.  Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with going out every now and then, but when you are a mom and in the club 3 to 5 times a week and your "social life" is more important to you than being an "active" parent to your child, that's a problem.

     Some moms would like to debate the fact that their children are in bed, asleep when they leave the house.  My response is, "So, your point is?"  Just because you go out after your kids are asleep, doesn't mean that you should be partying all the time.  I believe that once you decide to have a child, some things need to come to an end.  Due to the fact that you are responsible for the well being of someone else, you need to be at home.
     I know that when you are a single mom, you can get very lonely and want to talk to and be around other adults.  Trust me, I get that but at the same time, if you wanted to run the streets all the time, leaving the responsibility of watching your child to someone else, or leaving your child responsible for taking care of themselves, then you should not have had children.  If something were to happen to your child while you were out partying, what would you do?  Would it be worth your child getting hurt while you ran the streets several nights a week?

     There are other single moms who feel like they "deserve to do them" and spend time with their "boo."  Again, I get that but there are some things that you sacrifice when you become a mother.  "Doing you" is one of them.  It's no longer all about you.  You chose to have a child, so you need to be more worried about "doing them" than "doing you!"
     As far as spending time with your boo, any man worth his salt that really wanted to be with you, will accept your child as well.  It's a package deal.  He can't get you without accepting them.  If you really have to explain this to a man, then you need to kick him to the curb...PRONTO!  If a man always wants to spend his time with you and never wants to incorporate your child into the ratio, then he is a man looking for one thing and it's not long term.

     The question then becomes, "how are you really parenting your child?"  Do you know what they are doing when you aren't around, especially those who are old enough or who you "think" are old enough to take care of themselves?  Are they spending all their time on the internet, instead of doing their homework?  Are you being an "active" parent, meaning that you are part of their every day to day life, especially when it comes to school and grades?  When was the last time that you went over their homework with them to ensure that it was done correctly or are you "taking their word for it" that they are doing what they are supposed to do?  If your child has a cell phone, have you reviewed the texts that they are sending and receiving? Do you know who their friends are and what type of families their friends come from?  These are just some of the things that "active" parents do.  Based on what I have seen, mothers who are too busy having a "social life" and not being "active" in the lives of their children, do not know or do not do any of the things that I just referred to.
      Ladies, if it is you that I am speaking of, you need to take a moment and check yourself.  Go ahead and reel yourself back in.  Get it together before it's too late.  You only get one chance at this job called motherhood.  There are no do over's.  The examples that you show your children today are the one's that they follow tomorrow.  The clubs and partying will still be there later.  You just may be too damn old to do that by then but would you rather say, "I raised a productive child" or "I partied well into my 50's?"  You make the decision.

Finances & Marriage. Who is Responsible For What?

     The following is in response to a question about my thoughts about finances in a marriage.   Before I start let me state for the record that I have never been married and my thoughts here may very well be my delusional dream about what a marriage should look like in regards to finances.

     I believe that the man should be the head of the household, thus he should take care of his family.  However, given the society that we live in today where most women make more than their husbands, to think that a man can pay for everything is unrealistic.  Unless your man is making a substantial amount of money, you need two incomes to make it nowadays.  I know that I can NOT be in a marriage where we are struggling.  Even though a women would love to be "sat down" and not have to work, if my husband didn't make enough money by himself to be able to support the family and uphold a certain lifestyle, then I would have to take my butt to work and I have no problem with that.  I have always stood by the saying, "I can do bad by myself."  Why get into a relationship or marriage where you were doing better alone, than with someone else?  I never understood that.  "For better or for worse," is all good but why do "worse" when you can do 'better" alone? I'm just saying...
     As far as how the bills are divided, I think that the man should be responsible for the house note and car payments.  The woman should be responsible for utilities and groceries.  That is if there isn't a joint account that both parties should be contributing to for household expenses.  Now the problem here may be just how much each party is contributing and I guess that it should be based on each parties income.  50/50 in a household account is very realistic, as it leaves the other 50% to be put into a separate personal account that I believe both parties should have.

     Some women believe that their separate account should be a "secret" but I don't think that it is necessary to have a "secret" account.  Your husband should know that you do and there doesn't need to be an argument about it.  If you work, you should have your own money and not have to depend on your husband to give you money, although he should still give you money when asked.  I think that it is still very important, even in a marriage, for each party to still have some sort of independence. To have to ask your husband for money every time you want a new dress or shoes, is ridiculous.  You should be able to buy whatever you like.
    Who should pay the bills in a marriage?  I think that it should be, whoever is better with money.  I know that it would not be me, thus, I have to find a husband who handles money well because I do not.  Two people in a marriage who are not good with money spells a recipe for disaster.
     Now that I have given you my views on finances in a marriage, tell me what works for you in your marriage?  Do you have separate accounts or one and how did you decide who was responsible for paying for what?
     

All Single Mothers Do Not Need Help!

     I came across a new site called, Stumbleupon, where you "stumble upon" different sites based on your interest.  As I was "stumbling upon" different sites under the topic, "single moms," I came across several sites that said that if you are a single mom you should apply for foods stamps, housing assistance, pregnancy support, etc.  I have to be hones, after reading some of these blogs and articles, I became very offended!  Now I am sure that there are many single mom's out there that need some assistance but why is it that they think that "single moms" are just destitute and uneducated?  Given the state of the economy, there are families with 2 parents who may need assistance, not just single parents.  EVERY single parent is not struggling. There are many single mothers who are educated, have careers and own homes.  We are not women who are looking for a hand out and sitting around waiting for the government to take care of us and our children.  People need to realize that just because a woman may be parenting alone does not mean that she is any less than a woman that is married. For the record...many of us our doing a damn good job by ourselves!!

Great FREE Math, Language Arts & Science Sites To Keep Your Child Ahead of the Class

     School is out and summer vacation had begun but that doesn't mean that learning has stopped.  TJ will be entering 4th grade in a few weeks and we have already begun to work on 4th grade curriculum.  Why not get a head start right?  Since my son is obsessed with the computer, I have found several websites that he enjoys and that I approve of.
The following is a list of free sites:

Language Arts Websites

1.  www.readingrockets.org/audience/parents

(strategies for reading success)
2.  www.rif.org/kids/readingplanet.htm

(How to select books and reading activities)
3.   http://games.pppst.com/languagearts.html
(Language Arts Games K-5th grade)

4.  http://www.timeforkids.com/

(Current events for kids - sponsored by Time magazine

Math Websites

1. www.sheppardsoftware.com

(Math lessons from Early Math to Algebra)

2.  http://www.kidsknowit.com/

(Not only has interactive math games, it also has all subjects)

3.  http://www.fun4thebrain.com

(great site for math)

4.  http://www.learninggamesforkids.com/math_games.html

(A great side from K-5th grades for mastering math facts)
5.  http://www.rainforestmaths.com
(Fun Math Practice)
6.  www.multiplication.com
Multiplication Practice
7.   http://www.mathplayground.com/
(Math games, logic puzzles, word problems & math videos

Science Websites
1.  http://www.sciencekids.co.nz/gamesactivities.html
(Science games for Kids)
2.  http://sciencewithme.com/
(Cool Science experiments and projects)
3.  http://www.chem4kids.com/
(Chemistry info for Kids)

     Check these sites out and let me know what you think of them or if you have some sites that you would like to recommend. 
<script type="text/javascript">

  var _gaq = _gaq || [];
  _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-33622047-1']);
  _gaq.push(['_setDomainName', 'thesexysinglemommy.net']);
  _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']);

  (function() {
    var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true;
    ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js';
    var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s);
  })();

</script>

     

My Addiction

     Hey you!  Yeah, you!  Come here.  Closer...closer...closer...can I tell you a secret?  If you are one of my friends this will come as no surprise to you but let me whisper it in your ear.  I have an addiction. I do it every day, at all hours of the day but mostly at night.  I like to do it when TJ is in bed and the house is nice and quiet.  Sometimes I do it on the couch or in my bed.  Sometimes I have a glass of wine, before or during.  Sometimes it makes me scream and others times it makes me cuss.  Okay, Okay...I know you are curious and can't wait for me to tell you.  *Takes a deep breath*  I am addicted to...REALITY SHOWS!  There I said it!  Whew, just by saying those six words has taken a weight off of my shoulders.  LOL!!  But seriously, I am addicted to reality shows for a number of reasons.
      My generation grew up with "The Real World."  I think this is the first reality show that I ever watched and I was addicted from the first episode.  Here was this group of young adults who were strangers, living in a house all together and man, the things that went on!  From the relationships, to the random sex, to the fights.  OH BOY, THE FIGHTS!!  Who could forget Season 2 of "The Real World" and the fight between Tami and David?  Who knew that we would see Tami again on reality TV, almost 20 years later, still fighting, on "Basketball Wives?"

     Now I can go on and on about all the different reality shows that I love to watch but I have to say that watching reality shows today, as opposed to watching them 20 years ago, are the emotions that they evoke.  Maybe it is because I have 20 more years of life experience, so now when I see things like men cheating on their mates, dance teachers yelling at little girls and fights between friends, it really pisses me off!  There are some shows that make me so mad that I swear every week that I will not watch anymore but like a train wreck, I can't turn away, so I find myself tuning in week after week and yelling at the TV.  Damn shame, I know.
     One thing about reality TV that seems to have become the norm is the way that Black women are portraying themselves.  I know that the more you act a fool, the bigger the ratings but at whose expense?  I am aware that I am contradicting myself here because I love to watch the drama on these shows, but let me play Devil's Advocate here for a minute.  Although I love to watch these shows, I often time wonder how do these women explain their behavior to their children?  For instance, Tami on 'Basketball Wives."  Let me say that this is a show that I actually did stop watching because it just became too much.  Now, I spoke about Tami being on "The Real World" 20 or so years ago.  Today she is in her 40's, divorced and a mother.  As a mother of teenage girls, how do you explain being a foul mouthed bully?  How do you explain physically fighting and acting a fool on television?  How do you teach your children to "do as I say and not as I do" when you are on national television embarrassing your children, yourself and Black women everywhere? After she bullied another woman by taking her purse and keys until the woman came to her to apologize, I was done.  She had gone too far and as a producer of the show and a Black woman, Shaunie O'Neal should have stepped in and said "enough!"
     It is especially a shame that women who are "supposed" to be part of an elite society of NBA players wives and girlfriends act as though they have absolutely no sense of how to act in public places or self respect.  Who gets dressed up in designer clothing to jump over tables, throw bottles of expensive wine and fight at a restaurant? Have a little couth!     
     Reality shows, love them or leave them, seem to be a part of pop culture that are not going away anytime soon.  I recently came across a site that lists different types of reality shows that are looking for people to be on them.  There are hundreds of them about all kinds of crazy things like, "Does your man take too long to get ready" or "Redneck Interventions."  WOW!
     Although I love reality television, I have to say that I feel sorry for the "writers" of television shows because nowadays there aren't very many scripted shows anymore, although there are some "reality" shows that seem to be very scripted.  Reality television has seemed to taken over most networks and cable channels. Soon they will be taking over the kids channels, as well.
     Take it or leave it, reality television has found a place in my everyday life and although I yell, cuss and sometimes cry, it is one addiction that I will not be kicking anytime soon.
    

Single Parents: Be Loud When Celebrating Your Child's Accomplishments

     When you are a single parent and your child has an accomplishment, you celebrate just a little louder than other parents.  You are excited about that accomplishment not only because your child, did it but because you, as a single parent, helped get your child to that point by yourself!

     Last year when my son received The State Assembly's Award for Outstanding Academic Achievement, I wanted to do back flips through the auditorium.  First of all, I had no idea that he was even receiving that award and second, it was the highest award that you could receive!  When they called his name, I wanted to act like I was Dominique Dawes at the Olympics and do a triple somersault to the stage, pump my fist in the air and scream, "YES!  That's MY baby!  HE DID THAT!!"  I could not have been more prouder.
     I can not explain how much validation came from my son receiving that award.  All the hours that I worked as a retail store manager, yet coming home and making sure that his homework was done correctly and that he read 30 + minutes a day, plus, the workbooks that we did on the weekends and during vacations to improve his skills, all paid off.  Although TJ had earned that award, I felt like "WE" had earned it.  My son, the product of a single mother, who worked 50+ hours a week, who had to depend on sitters and family members to care for him while I worked nights and weekends, won The State Assembly Award.  It all was worth it, at that very moment.
     As I walked up to the stage to take a picture of my son, the genius, I smiled with pride and with tears in my eyes because I knew that although I was all alone on this road called parenthood, I was doing a good job and we were going to be alright!!

From the Book of The Sexy Single Mommy Chapter 1 verses 1-5

     They say that "women are emotional creatures" and that 90% of how a woman acts is based on her emotions.  I am going to agree with both of those statements and I would like to add for the record, that women need to knock that shit off!  Too many of you are walking around with your hearts on your sleeves, crying, "feeling down" about shit, making the wrong moves based on emotions and telling your friends all your business.  All that needs to stop...TODAY! 

     Women are playing themselves because they are so emotional.  You spend too much time over thinking situations, trying to figure out why men act the way they do, what they are going to do next, how come he hasn't called you, etc. etc.  Man, if y'all don't knock it off! You make yourselves look pathetic and who wants to be around someone like that? Ummm...NO ONE!  Women get it together!  You have to start thinking before talking!  As soon as something goes wrong, your mouths start popping off and necks start rolling.  Take a moment and evaluate the situation.  Stop to think if you can benefit off of it before you start popping off and the situation reaches a point of no return.  
     I'm not telling you anything that I don't know about first hand.  I will be the first one to tell you that if my mouth was a sword, I would be writing this from behind bars, doing life because of the things that I have said to men in anger.  I have been there and done that and allowed my mouth to make some really good men run the other way.  Had I held my tongue, removed myself for a moment and took the time to think about the situation, things may have turned out differently.  So since the game is to be told not sold, I am going to take this opportunity to school some of you on a few things.
     Love & Hip Hop Atlanta, most of us watch or or have heard the debates about Mimi and Stevie J.  If you haven't seen it, here is a quick synopsis:  Stevie J is a producer who is sleeping with and apparently gotten pregnant, his artist, Joseline, who is an an ex stripper.  Mimi is his girlfriend of 15 years and also the mother of one of his children. (pictured on the left)  By reading social media, the consensus is that Mimi needs to leave Stevie J.
     Women being the "emotional creatures" that they are have been screaming, "Girl, you need to leave him!" I am screaming, "Girl, leave him BUT before you do, you get everything that is coming to you!"  Now, wait!  Before you start cussing, let me explain my rational behind this statement.  I totally agree that you shouldn't stay with a man that cheats on you, especially one that is obviously as reckless, inconsiderate and flamboyant, for lack of a better word, as Stevie J is.  However, before she bounces, Mimi needs to do a couple of things and in doing that she may have to "act" like everything is good until her plan pans out.  She needs to first, go ahead and accept the house that he offered or better yet, she could get a much better house, make sure that the house is paid for and the deed is in her name and her name only.  Next, if the car or cars are not in her name already, they need to be in her name and paid off and third, she needs to go on down and file for child support and then she bounces.  What she should NOT do is leave and not have shit to show for the 15 years off bullshit that she dealt with.  Don't be no fool, girl!! 
     Another problem with being so emotional is that people will mistake you for weak.  I have been in retail management for years and I can not count the number of female employees that I have had in my office to either reprimand or fire, who start to cry.  There is nothing that I hate more than a weak ass female.  (Well, there are things that I hate more, but weak chicks are close to the top.)  I loose all respect for a woman when she starts to cry in public, especially in front of a superior.  Suck those tears up and cry when you get in the car.  Better yet, cry when you get home and no one is around.  Here's the thing, whatever the situation is, be a woman about it and accept whatever consequences may come. If you feel like you need to cry, wait to your alone and do that.  NEVER cry in  public!
     Another thing (or two) stop getting mad at your man and running to your friends telling them all your business.  Women let me be clear, there is nothing wrong with "girl talk" but I don't care if it's your best friend or not, keep some shit to yourself! Everybody does not need to know everything about your life and your love life.  Women need to learn to shut the hell up sometimes!  You talk to damn much!  Besides, some of you start talking about what your man did and didn't do and you sound like a damn idiot for putting up with his bullshit, so for the sake of not looking like a complete fool, keep somethings to yourself.  Here is a trick to live by.  When you are by yourself, look in the mirror and tell yourself what you want to tell your friend.  If you sound like a dumb ass to yourself, chances are you will sound like a dumb ass to your friend.  Now that you have said it aloud, leave that shit there and move on!  You have to know that what you tell one "friend" will be repeated to your other friends and they will all be calling you a "dumb ass" behind your back.  Trust me!
    Lastly, when will women learn NOT to tell their friends about their man's performance in the bedroom?  I don't even know why I have to talk about this one but apparently I do because there are still some dumb ass women out there, running and telling their friends about how their men are in bed.  Hello, how old are you?  Don't you know that besides being emotional, women are nosy as hell, thus, when you tell them about how good your man is, you have some shady chicks who want to know personally, how good he is.  Don't be that chick who is crying later because her man slept with her "friend."  Remember, conversations about sex with your man is off limits.  Some things need to be sacred and let that be one of them!
      I hope that I have not only enlightened some of you but also put you up on game.  Having emotions is cool and all but damn, you don't have to go overboard with that shit.  Get a grip"  Put your big girl panties on and be a woman.  Crying is for babies and we all know that even a babies cry get old real quick!  


     
    
    

    

If You Are Depending On Luck Instead Of God, You Are Losing!

     I hear people everyday who complain about their situations but continue to do the same thing and get the same results.  Isn't that the definition of insanity?  How can you expect things to change, if you don't do something differently?  How can you expect your life to be different, if you keep thinking that YOU can do it by yourself?  Those same people are quick to say, "If it wasn't for bad luck, I wouldn't have no luck at all."  REALLY?  The problem here is that you are depending on luck and not GOD to make a difference in your life. Can I say that again?  The problem here is that you are depending on LUCK and not GOD to make a difference in your life!  Someone should be shouting AMEN right about now!
     I have said it before and I will say it again, I am no Saint, yet through the grace of God I have made it through some tough situations and I stand here today because of him.  We all fall down sometimes but if you keep falling over and over again, when are you going to get feed up and realize that you have to do something that you have never done?  When are you going to realize that this whole thing called Life is bigger than you and I?  Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
     God already knew what we would go through, even before we were born.  Jeremiah 1:5 says, "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, before you were born I set you apart."  He knew about the trials and tribulations that we would go through.  He knew that someone would have an addiction.  He knew that we would have children out of wedlock.  He knew that some of us would be liars and cheats.  He knew ALL of that, yet he also knew that some of us would have to hit rock bottom before we realized that all we had to do was believe in him to do what he said he would.  He knew that it would take some of us a short time, while others it would almost take their whole lives to figure out that all we had to do was trust in him and things would be better. Now there are some of us who will never figure it out and leave this earth not believing in God and that is unfortunate.  The thing is that it was never God's intentions for us to suffer.  Yes, there are somethings that we go through in life that will test our faith in God but if we stand on his word, we will make it through.  Thank you, Lord!

     Proverbs 3:5-6 says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him and he will make your paths straight."  Those of you keep thinking that you can do it by yourself...YOU CAN'T!  Stop living like an insane person.  Today, you need to give it to God and leave it there. It is time to do something that you have never done.  Do God and see what happens.  I promise you, if you have faith and believe and trust in him, he will make it happen.  Now, let the church say, "AMEN!"
<script type="text/javascript">

  var _gaq = _gaq || [];
  _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-33622047-1']);
  _gaq.push(['_setDomainName', 'thesexysinglemommy.net']);
  _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']);

  (function() {
    var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true;
    ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js';
    var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s);
  })();


</script>